adBlockCheck

Hijacker Arrested After More Than 40 Years

Top Headlines

International

Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.

National Security Experts: ‘ISIS Are Fucking Assholes’

WASHINGTON—Updating the public about the deadly attacks carried out in Brussels yesterday by members of the Syria-based jihadist group, national security experts held a press conference in Washington this morning to notify Americans that ISIS are fucking assholes.

World Makes Final Attempt To Try To Understand This Shit

BRUSSELS—In the wake of the terrorist attacks in Brussels that left over 30 dead and more than 100 injured, an angry and frustrated global populace collectively announced Tuesday that it would make one last attempt to try to understand this shit.

A Timeline Of U.S.–Cuba Relations

As President Obama visits Cuba in an effort to restore diplomatic ties with the U.S., The Onion looks at pivotal moments in the tension-filled history of U.S.–Cuba relations.

Vatican City Residents Rally To Save St. Peter’s Basilica From Development

VATICAN CITY—Citing its historical significance and the valuable role it plays in the community, residents of Vatican City rallied this week to save St. Peter’s Basilica from being demolished as part of a development project that would convert the site into an expansive residential and retail complex, sources reported.

Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Hijacker Arrested After More Than 40 Years

Luis Armando Pena Soltren was arrested at John F. Kennedy International Airport on Sunday for his role in a 1968 hijacking of a Pan Am flight bound for Puerto Rico. What do you think?
  • "I once took some extra peanuts on a flight out of JFK, but I had the good sense not to go back there."

    Debbie Schroeder CFO
  • "This gives me hope that, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but perhaps 41 years from now, the authorities will find my bike."

    Marc Shapiro Systems Analyst
  • "Thanks a lot. I had finally managed to forget that day. Now, suddenly, it's November 24, 1968 again, I'm in 7A next to some chatty French tourist, and someone with a pistol is trying to explain to me the difference between Puerto Rico and Cuba."

    Jordan Gotschall Facing Slitter

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close