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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Hillary Clinton Testifies On Benghazi Attack

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton testified before Congress today about last year’s attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya that left Ambassador Chris Stevens and several others dead, an assault that many Republicans contend was intentionally covered up. What do you think?

  • “If there’s such a big cover-up, how come I’ve heard of this?”

    Charles Baum Sponge Packer
  • “Hillary Clinton must be held accountable if there is to be justice for Chris Stevens and those other two or three guys.”

    Harley Casper Malt Roaster
  • “Clinton just needs to be straight with the American people and tell us exactly what happened. Unless they really screwed up—then it’d probably be best if she just made something up.”

    Robin Shouse Systems Analyst

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