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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Hillary Clinton's Last Day As Secretary Of State

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will step down today after four years on the job and hand over the reins of U.S. foreign policy to retiring senator John Kerry. What do you think?

  • “Last days at work are the best. She could probably leave at like 3 and no one could even give her any shit about it.”

    Elton Lister Patrol Sergeant
  • “Foreign diplomats, prepare to be electrified!”

    Kristin Burton Valve Repairer
  • “It’s technically not her last day. This upcoming Monday she has to give her exit interview with HR, then stick around the State Department until Friday to train Kerry.”

    Willie Sly Dairy Farmer

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