adBlockCheck

Politics

Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans

The Church of Scientology plunged into scandal Thursday when Frank D. Linehan, a prominent minister who has helped thousands of parishioners move up the Bridge to Total Freedom and achieve Clear, was arrested on 471 charges of molesting alien thetans.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
End Of Section
  • More News

Hillary In 2004?

The 2000 presidential election is barely in the books, but talk has already turned to the possibility of Hillary Clinton making a White House run in 2004. What do you think?
  • "A woman president? What if she menstruates all over some important legislation?"

    Rich Durban Machinist
  • "Hillary would make a great president. But she'd probably ask her girlfriends for advice, and I just don't trust that Sharon."

    Annette Petersen Homemaker
  • "She's got a good shot, so long as no one blows her up, causing her faceplate to fall off and revealing the gears and diodes beneath."

    Todd Tyler Systems Analyst
  • "Would she have female Secret Service agents? Because that'd be pretty sexy."

    Bob Houdel Cashier
  • "No, no–you don't understand: The 19th Amendment gives women the right to vote for a president, that's all."

    Bob Van Eeghen Lawyer
  • "We could do worse. You know, like we always have."

    Lisa Rinaldi Physical Therapist
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close