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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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‘Hip-Hop Conservative’ Congressman Caught With Cocaine

Former Fox News Radio talk-show host and self-proclaimed “hip-hop conservative” Trey Radel, a first-term Florida Tea Party congressman, pled guilty to cocaine possession today. What do you think?

  • “Why do these hip-hop conservatives always have to be such stereotypes?”

    Perry Faulk Sorghum Grower
  • “Apology accepted.”

    Jill Velez Systems Analyst
  • “What is hip-hop conservatism coming to?”

    Kevin Yasnogorodsky Museum Guard

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