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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Hispanic U.S.A.

In a historic demographic shift, Census officials reported last week that Hispanics have passed African-Americans as the nation's largest minority. What do you think?
  • "I don't care what you say, Hispanics are not a bigger minority than blacks. Have you seen those guys? They're barely five feet tall."

    Jeff Maggio
    Roofer
  • "Luckily, I am prepared for this, thanks to bilingual educational programming on PBS. Abierto!... cerrado! Abierto!... cerrado!"

    Chuck Kinnard
    Salesman
  • "I had no idea there were so many Hispanics in this country. They must all be in the back."

    Fred Willets
    Systems Analyst
  • "Boy, if it's not the blacks, it's the Hispanics. That's it. That's the summation of my feelings on the matter."

    Denise Rowe
    Waitress
  • "I guess those good-luck candles with the bloody dude on them are actually good for something."

    J.P. Burlock
    Delivery Driver
  • "There are still tons more whites than any of these minorities, right? Whew."

    Linda Cort
    Interior Decorator

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