Hispanic U.S.A.

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Hispanic U.S.A.

In a historic demographic shift, Census officials reported last week that Hispanics have passed African-Americans as the nation's largest minority. What do you think?
  • "I don't care what you say, Hispanics are not a bigger minority than blacks. Have you seen those guys? They're barely five feet tall."

    Jeff Maggio
  • "Luckily, I am prepared for this, thanks to bilingual educational programming on PBS. Abierto!... cerrado! Abierto!... cerrado!"

    Chuck Kinnard
  • "I had no idea there were so many Hispanics in this country. They must all be in the back."

    Fred Willets
    Systems Analyst
  • "Boy, if it's not the blacks, it's the Hispanics. That's it. That's the summation of my feelings on the matter."

    Denise Rowe
  • "I guess those good-luck candles with the bloody dude on them are actually good for something."

    J.P. Burlock
    Delivery Driver
  • "There are still tons more whites than any of these minorities, right? Whew."

    Linda Cort
    Interior Decorator