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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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HIV Outbreak Shuts Down Porn Industry

Four adult film performers have tested positive for HIV since July, prompting California’s pornographic video producers to temporarily cease production, and spurring further calls from AIDS advocates to make condoms mandatory in adult films. What do you think?

  • “I hope they come back soon, because I’m almost completely caught up on porn.”

    Grover Platt Candy Dipper
  • “Condoms should absolutely be mandatory. Also ball gags.”

    Thomas Bogart Chandelier Maker
  • “I just hope those cock-starved coeds are able to find the sustenance they need.”

    Beth Whittier Turbine Assembler
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