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HIV Outbreak Shuts Down Porn Industry

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Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.
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  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

HIV Outbreak Shuts Down Porn Industry

Four adult film performers have tested positive for HIV since July, prompting California’s pornographic video producers to temporarily cease production, and spurring further calls from AIDS advocates to make condoms mandatory in adult films. What do you think?

  • “I hope they come back soon, because I’m almost completely caught up on porn.”

    Grover Platt
    Candy Dipper
  • “Condoms should absolutely be mandatory. Also ball gags.”

    Thomas Bogart
    Chandelier Maker
  • “I just hope those cock-starved coeds are able to find the sustenance they need.”

    Beth Whittier
    Turbine Assembler

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