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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Hockey Returns

After a yearlong players' strike, professional hockey returned to the ice last weekend as the NHL presented the first exhibition games of the 2005-2006 season. What do you think?
  • "Well, it's a little too late now, isn't it, seeing as Canada committed suicide last month?"

    Walter Krauss Public Advocate
  • "Hockey was canceled? I hadn't even noticed, as I'm watching the seasons one by one from the beginning as they're released on DVD."

    Cindy Charron Massage Therapist
  • "I'm glad the owners and players were able to stop this pointless and bloody deadlock and put it back on the ice where it belongs."

    Walter DiCastro Landscape Architect

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