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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Hockey Returns

After a yearlong players' strike, professional hockey returned to the ice last weekend as the NHL presented the first exhibition games of the 2005-2006 season. What do you think?
  • "Well, it's a little too late now, isn't it, seeing as Canada committed suicide last month?"

    Walter Krauss Public Advocate
  • "Hockey was canceled? I hadn't even noticed, as I'm watching the seasons one by one from the beginning as they're released on DVD."

    Cindy Charron Massage Therapist
  • "I'm glad the owners and players were able to stop this pointless and bloody deadlock and put it back on the ice where it belongs."

    Walter DiCastro Landscape Architect

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