adBlockCheck

Holder Seeks More Lenient Sentences For Drug Users

Top Headlines

Recent News

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Surprises

Holidays

Holder Seeks More Lenient Sentences For Drug Users

Attorney General Eric Holder outlined a proposal today to give judges more discretion in drug cases by eliminating mandatory minimum sentences for low-level, nonviolent drug offenders, which have been in place since the 1980s. What do you think?

  • “Holder’s just begging to be drug tested.”

    Rosemary Gee
    Hide Soaker
  • “Sounds like someone is angling for a Teen Choice Award.”

    Wayne Sakai
    Systems Analyst
  • “He’s got my vote. Holder 2015!”

    Guy Gutierrez
    Popcorn Maker

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close