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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Holiday Travel Plans

How will you be dealing with hectic holiday travel?
  • "I'll be the guy on the bus with Bing Crosby's White Christmas blaring from my boombox, which I will carry on my shoulder."

    Billy Tetreault Marketing Advisor
  • "I'm converting to Islam. Not only will I do my holiday traveling in a different month, I won't have to visit my family since they'll disown me!"

    Caroline Stroli Teacher
  • "I'll be glued to the Weather Channel for inclement weather and traffic reports so I know how anxious to be when I travel."

    Lonny Werner Buzzsaw Operator

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