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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Holiday Travel Plans

How will you be dealing with hectic holiday travel?
  • "I'll be the guy on the bus with Bing Crosby's White Christmas blaring from my boombox, which I will carry on my shoulder."

    Billy Tetreault Marketing Advisor
  • "I'm converting to Islam. Not only will I do my holiday traveling in a different month, I won't have to visit my family since they'll disown me!"

    Caroline Stroli Teacher
  • "I'll be glued to the Weather Channel for inclement weather and traffic reports so I know how anxious to be when I travel."

    Lonny Werner Buzzsaw Operator
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