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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Home Trampolines Responsible For 1 Million ER Visits

A new study has found that between 2002 and 2011, accidents involving backyard trampolines resulted in more than 1 million trips to the emergency room to treat bone fractures and other injuries. What do you think?

  • “Sounds like a problem that can be solved with four or five surrounding trampolines.”

    Simon Odell Pulpwood Cutter
  • “I don’t blame the trampoline. My 8-year-old went into this with his eyes open.”

    Celeste Thorne Home Lighting Advisor
  • “Christ, am I the only goddamn person in this country who knows how to use a fucking trampoline?”

    Caleb Haley Compliance Officer

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