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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Home Trampolines Responsible For 1 Million ER Visits

A new study has found that between 2002 and 2011, accidents involving backyard trampolines resulted in more than 1 million trips to the emergency room to treat bone fractures and other injuries. What do you think?

  • “Sounds like a problem that can be solved with four or five surrounding trampolines.”

    Simon Odell Pulpwood Cutter
  • “I don’t blame the trampoline. My 8-year-old went into this with his eyes open.”

    Celeste Thorne Home Lighting Advisor
  • “Christ, am I the only goddamn person in this country who knows how to use a fucking trampoline?”

    Caleb Haley Compliance Officer
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