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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Home Trampolines Responsible For 1 Million ER Visits

A new study has found that between 2002 and 2011, accidents involving backyard trampolines resulted in more than 1 million trips to the emergency room to treat bone fractures and other injuries. What do you think?

  • “Sounds like a problem that can be solved with four or five surrounding trampolines.”

    Simon Odell Pulpwood Cutter
  • “I don’t blame the trampoline. My 8-year-old went into this with his eyes open.”

    Celeste Thorne Home Lighting Advisor
  • “Christ, am I the only goddamn person in this country who knows how to use a fucking trampoline?”

    Caleb Haley Compliance Officer
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