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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Honolulu Bans ‘Distracted Walking’

Making it the first major city with such a law, Honolulu’s mayor has signed a bill banning texting while crossing the street, as well as other forms of distracted walking. What do you think?

  • “If this law works there, maybe we should try it in America.”

    Damien Cantor Papyrus Stretcher
  • “But it’s my constitutional right to have no idea what’s going on around me.”

    Will Lang Battery Changer
  • “That’s okay. I do most of my texting while driving anyway.”

    Bethany Floyd Photo Booth Cleaner

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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