Horse Meat Banned

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


Horse Meat Banned

Congress has banned the slaughter of horses for meat, calling the process "barbaric." What do you think?
  • "What am I supposed to do with the grade-A pony I just bought—give it to my daughter for Christmas?"

    Lester Graves
  • "I support this ruling. We shouldn't be allowed to eat horses, dogs, or anything else we can race for sport."

    Lisa Gonzalez
    Lisa Gonzalez, Caricaturist
  • "Oh, the winds of change. I remember a time in this country when you couldn't get elected unless you participated in a state-fair horse-eating contest."

    Jim Shebesta
    Systems Analyst