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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Horse Meat Found In European 'Beef' Lasagna, Hamburgers

Several weeks after horse meat was found in frozen hamburgers in Irish and British supermarkets, frozen food purveyors in the U.K. and France announced the recall of lasagna and other products that contained up to 100 percent horse meat. What do you think?

  • “Well, if they’re not going to eat any of it, I’d be happy to take it off their hands for them.”

    Cedric Ashbrook Caddie
  • “That’s disgusting! Horses are not for eating! Cows are for eating!”

    Rosalind Gooding Fingerprint Clerk
  • “Boy, these Europeans sure are a bunch of snobs.”

    Fernando Miro Bean Sprout Grower

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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