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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Hospital-Record Snoop Indicted

A former administrative specialist at the UCLA hospital was indicted for illegally accessing the medical records of some celebrities, including Farrah Fawcett and Maria Shriver, and, in some cases, selling the information. What do you think?
  • "Oh man, what was Farrah Fawcett's blood type? I bet it was AB+."

    Bruce Roh Librarian
  • "Any word on Bob Costas' records? Because I think he's the cause of this rash."

    Dale Wilson Garment Inspector
  • "Is this really that bad? In a way, it's almost a convenience to hear the results of your Pap smear just by turning on Access Hollywood."

    Deb Fine Horticulturalist
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