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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Hospital-Record Snoop Indicted

A former administrative specialist at the UCLA hospital was indicted for illegally accessing the medical records of some celebrities, including Farrah Fawcett and Maria Shriver, and, in some cases, selling the information. What do you think?
  • "Oh man, what was Farrah Fawcett's blood type? I bet it was AB+."

    Bruce Roh Librarian
  • "Any word on Bob Costas' records? Because I think he's the cause of this rash."

    Dale Wilson Garment Inspector
  • "Is this really that bad? In a way, it's almost a convenience to hear the results of your Pap smear just by turning on Access Hollywood."

    Deb Fine Horticulturalist
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