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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Housing Prices Fall Sharply

The prices of U.S. homes fell by 3.2 percent in the second quarter, the steepest in 20 years. What do you think?
  • "Great, I'm in the market for a house. Let me know when they drop below $300."

    Branch Lewis Waste Management
  • "Does this mean I'll be able to buy back my foreclosed home back soon?"

    Elisa Fricke Aesthetician
  • "Thank God. Now the pressure's off for me to mow the damn lawn."

    Kevin Rodden Stylist

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