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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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How Real Is Reality TV?

Survivor and other reality-based TV shows have come under fire of late, with former participants charging that aspects of the programs are rigged. What do you think?
  • "How far the journalistic integrity of reality TV has fallen since the first season of The Real World."

    Richard Polk Systems Analyst
  • "This is the classic Heisenbergian situation in which the behavior of the observed is altered by the act of observation. Nonetheless, Kimmi is my favorite."

    Robert Lau Physicist
  • "Reality TV is nothing but LIE$. By the way, when you print that, make sure the 'S' is a dollar sign, so my provocative statement is rendered all the more cutting."

    Audra Andrews Student
  • "I'm glad they tinker with these shows. Real life is fuckin' boring."

    Manu Apalakian Dishwasher
  • "Love it or hate it, one thing's for certain: Reality TV makes us the ultimate voyeurs. Hi, I'm Gail Pennington, TV critic for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch."

    Gail Pennington TV Critic
  • "So these shows were set up to ensure that the most attractive people would come out on top? And how is that different from reality?"

    Ed Munson Machinist
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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

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