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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Howard Stern Leaves The Air

Howard Stern's last show on conventional radio aired last Friday, as he will make the jump to Sirius Satellite Radio in early 2006. What do you think?
  • "Without the FCC censoring him, I bet we'll really hear some farting now!"

    Thomas Bayard Referee
  • "Aw, I dunno… I think all the swearing and overt sexual stuff will hurt Howard's charm. Look what happened to Steve Allen."

    Wanda Gresham Forklift Operator
  • "I thought he was the king of all media—what's he doing on some loser space radio thing?"

    Richard Olney Machinist

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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