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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Hugo Chávez Endorses Obama

Calling Barack Obama a “good guy,” Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez said on state television Sunday that if he were American he would vote for the incumbent Democrat, and that he is sure if Obama were from Caracas, he would vote for Chávez. What do you think?

  • “That’s pretty compelling, but I still want to hear what Bashar al-Assad has to say before I fully commit to Obama.”

    Craig Singer-Watts Adhesive Sprayer
  • “Wait, who did Hugo Chávez say to vote for again? Let me write this down.”

    Audra Castro Weaver
  • “Has anyone told him about Ron Paul?”

    Ed Beams Reindeer Rancher
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