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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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Hugo Chávez Endorses Obama

Calling Barack Obama a “good guy,” Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez said on state television Sunday that if he were American he would vote for the incumbent Democrat, and that he is sure if Obama were from Caracas, he would vote for Chávez. What do you think?

  • “That’s pretty compelling, but I still want to hear what Bashar al-Assad has to say before I fully commit to Obama.”

    Craig Singer-Watts Adhesive Sprayer
  • “Wait, who did Hugo Chávez say to vote for again? Let me write this down.”

    Audra Castro Weaver
  • “Has anyone told him about Ron Paul?”

    Ed Beams Reindeer Rancher

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