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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Hugo Chávez Endorses Obama

Calling Barack Obama a “good guy,” Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez said on state television Sunday that if he were American he would vote for the incumbent Democrat, and that he is sure if Obama were from Caracas, he would vote for Chávez. What do you think?

  • “That’s pretty compelling, but I still want to hear what Bashar al-Assad has to say before I fully commit to Obama.”

    Craig Singer-Watts Adhesive Sprayer
  • “Wait, who did Hugo Chávez say to vote for again? Let me write this down.”

    Audra Castro Weaver
  • “Has anyone told him about Ron Paul?”

    Ed Beams Reindeer Rancher

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