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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Human Cloning

South Korean scientists successfully cloned a human embryo, a procedure some feel is unethical. What do you think?
  • "I applaud this scientific breakthrough, as long as they don't use it to clone more Hitlers. Maybe one Pol Pot, if they absolutely have to, but no Hitlers."

    Fred Watson Systems <br>Analyst
  • "No thanks. I prefer the kind of stem cells you produce from getting laid."

    Nicole Henderson Registered Nurse
  • "I just told my 3-year-old that babies come from cabbage patches. How the hell am I going to explain this?"

    Billy Cook Social Worker
  • "So a future in which I can clone myself, hunt myself down for sport, and then claim it wasn't murder because it was only me that I killed is just around the corner?"

    Justin Barnes Bartender
  • "Finally, someone invented a way to make more Asians."

    Harold Price Music Director
  • "This has limitless scientific possibilities, which means one thing: We must keep Christians from finding out about it."

    Rose Coleman Window Trimmer
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