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Human Cloning

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Facebook’s Plans For The Future

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

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In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Human Cloning

South Korean scientists successfully cloned a human embryo, a procedure some feel is unethical. What do you think?
  • "I applaud this scientific breakthrough, as long as they don't use it to clone more Hitlers. Maybe one Pol Pot, if they absolutely have to, but no Hitlers."

    Fred Watson Systems <br>Analyst
  • "No thanks. I prefer the kind of stem cells you produce from getting laid."

    Nicole Henderson Registered Nurse
  • "I just told my 3-year-old that babies come from cabbage patches. How the hell am I going to explain this?"

    Billy Cook Social Worker
  • "So a future in which I can clone myself, hunt myself down for sport, and then claim it wasn't murder because it was only me that I killed is just around the corner?"

    Justin Barnes Bartender
  • "Finally, someone invented a way to make more Asians."

    Harold Price Music Director
  • "This has limitless scientific possibilities, which means one thing: We must keep Christians from finding out about it."

    Rose Coleman Window Trimmer

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