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Human Culture Much Older Than Thought

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Human Culture Much Older Than Thought

Scientists recently discovered 44,000-year-old jewelry made from ostrich eggs and poison-tipped arrows in a South African cave, a finding that suggests modern human culture emerged more than 20,000 years earlier than previously believed. What do you think?

  • “Well, I still say we don’t look a day over 18,000 years old.”

    Marjorie Speck
    Boarding House Manager
  • “To find that we’ve had 20,000 more years to develop culturally just means there’s that much more to feel ashamed about."

    Jack Slyter
    Probate Lawyer
  • “Something definitely got lost over time, because my own poison-tipped arrows can’t kill for shit.”

    William Sheedy
    Lumber Sorter

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