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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Human Evolution Gene Discovered

Scientists have discovered the gene that causes human brains to evolve beyond those of chimps. What do you think?
  • "I heard that, coincidentally, it's also the same gene that diminishes interest in bananas to a reasonable level."

    Gina Helms Mailing Services Provider
  • "Excuse me, but I think you mean: 'God allowed scientists to discover the gene that God made specifically for humans and not chimps.''"

    Harry Benson Systems Analyst
  • "Ah, I always suspected that we humans had a slight edge."

    Lloyd Farber Costume Designer

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