Human Progenitors Had Barbed Penises

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Vol 47 Issue 11

'I Make My Own Hours,' Says Man About To Get Fired

NEW YORK—Marketing associate Jack Hilliard has carved out a pretty nice little setup wherein he has the freedom to make his own hours and come and go to work as he pleases, the 41-year-old who is on the verge of losing his job told reporters Monday.

Kelly and Epting's Apartment

Within walking distance of public transportation and situated in an up-and-coming area of town, Justin Kelly and Luke Epting's two-bedroom apartment contains a number of minor, albeit notable flaws.
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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Human Progenitors Had Barbed Penises

According to a study published in the journal Nature, missing chunks of DNA show that human ancestors may once have had barbed penises. What do you think?

  • "What do you mean 'may once have had'?"

    Eric Robinson
    Systems Analyst
  • "I was hoping upon hope you were going to say 'winged,' but no, you said 'barbed' instead."

    Patricia Thomison
    Dentist
  • "That all changed when we discovered we could use our hands to pick things up."

    Christopher Brugerman
    Assistant Managing Editor
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