Humans Used Tools Earlier Than Thought

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Vol 46 Issue 33

NFL Punters Lobby Congress For More Fakes

WASHINGTON—High-ranking NFL punters met with members of Congress Tuesday to lobby for legislation that would significantly increase the number of fake punts across the league.

U.S. Call Centers Cost Same As India

According to the head of the largest call center outsourcing firm in the country, the poor job market has made the cost of hiring a call center worker in the United States the same as hiring one in India.

Mysterious Crate Arrives From London

DOCKSIDE, NEW ENGLAND—Shipman and stevedore alike confirmed that the crate is unpleasantly cold to the touch, and none reportedly wished to remain in its presence for long.
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Humans Used Tools Earlier Than Thought

According to the current issue of Nature, scientists found two scored mammal bones demonstrating that humanoids used tools to cut meat 3.39 million years ago, nearly a million years earlier than previously thought. What do you think?

  • "That's pretty clever if the tool was a knife, but pretty dumb if they were trying to use a spoon to cut meat."

    Tom Ribot
    Pad Assembler
  • "Just today I was using scissors and felt them cut through a coupon with the ease of 3.39 million years' experience encoded into my genes."

    Sandy Quine
    Third Assistant Engineer
  • "You don't need to tell me how cool humans are, sir. I already know."

    Frank Richards
    Stamping-Press Operator
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