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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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‘Hunger Games’ Name Among Most Popular Of 2014

According to the baby names site Nameberry, “Katniss,” a name created for the sci-fi Hunger Games trilogy and the films based on those works, is one of the most frequently searched-for names on the site’s database. What do you think?

  • “I don’t want my child growing up in a world where they have to distinguish between Katniss L. and Katniss S. in her class.”

    Marnie Shrump Vandal, Midwest Region
  • “At least with a name like Katniss, you know that two social outcasts managed to find love.”

    Byron Whitfield Social Smoker
  • “Those kids are so lucky. I had to be named after my stupid fucking grandmother.”

    Karen Mobley Plant Critic

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