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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Hurricane Sandy Slams East Coast

Bringing winds up to 85 miles per hour, a potentially devastating storm surge, and the threat of blizzard conditions at higher elevations, the historic and massive Hurricane Sandy will make landfall tonight along the densely populated mid-Atlantic coast. What do you think?

  • “That’s nothing. Once I drove at 86 miles per hour for like five seconds.”

    Rachel Spelman Short Order Cook
  • “Crap, is that why my wife bought 15 gallons of bottled water? She shouldn’t have left it out when she knew I was thirsty.”

    Diego Croft Systems Analyst
  • “My wind chimes!”

    Gil Telfer Ichthyologist
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