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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.
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Hurricane Sandy Slams East Coast

Bringing winds up to 85 miles per hour, a potentially devastating storm surge, and the threat of blizzard conditions at higher elevations, the historic and massive Hurricane Sandy will make landfall tonight along the densely populated mid-Atlantic coast. What do you think?

  • “That’s nothing. Once I drove at 86 miles per hour for like five seconds.”

    Rachel Spelman Short Order Cook
  • “Crap, is that why my wife bought 15 gallons of bottled water? She shouldn’t have left it out when she knew I was thirsty.”

    Diego Croft Systems Analyst
  • “My wind chimes!”

    Gil Telfer Ichthyologist

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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

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