Hurricanes With Female Names Kill More People

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Vol 50 Issue 22

Shitty Museum Doesn’t Even Have A Mona Lisa

BOSTON—Sighing in exasperation as he walked out of yet another exhibit, appalled tourist Tom Bellarico confirmed to reporters Monday that the Boston Museum of Fine Arts is so irredeemably shitty that it does not even have a Mona Lisa.

Taco Bell Adds ‘Quesarito’ To Official Menu

After testing out a new menu item called the quesarito in Oklahoma City to much success, Taco Bell has decided to add the new creation, a beef burrito tucked inside a cheese quesadilla, to its official menu.

Mom’s Quirky Friend Turns Out To Be Joakim Noah

CHICAGO—Saying the lively but awkward stranger had long been something of a mystery, local teen Eric Hewer told reporters Thursday that he recently learned his mother’s quirky friend is in fact Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah.
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

Hurricanes With Female Names Kill More People

According to new research, hurricanes given female names tend to be more deadly than ones with male names because people subconsciously assume the former will be less destructive and take fewer safety precautions as a result. What do you think?

  • “Dammit. Aren’t any of my subconscious gender biases ever helpful?”

    Mark Ghastin
    Lender Relations Analyst
  • “Isn’t that just like a woman to sucker you with a pretty name and then flood your city with 7 billion gallons of seawater.”

    Daniel Platco
    Tasting Room Manager
  • “Eh, we love ’em anyway.”

    Aiden Lee
    Marble Setter
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