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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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IBM Supercomputer Becomes Chef

At a meeting with investors this morning, IBM demonstrated its advanced artificial intelligence system Watson, which famously beat two champions at Jeopardy! in 2011, by serving a pastry dish that was created by the supercomputer as part of the company’s pitch to show off the machine’s broad range of capabilities. What do you think?

  • “There are some culinary tricks you just can’t program, like knowing the precise moment when to take the pizza rolls out of the oven.”

    Christine Botsford Unemployed
  • “How come my computer just lies around the house all day?”

    Russell Towler Land Surveyor
  • “Yeah, but they’re still years behind in developing a machine to compete with Ken Jennings’ boyish good looks.”

    Pieter Wexler Sawmill Laborer
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