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International

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Icelandic Volcano Halts European Air Travel

A plume of ash from an erupting volcano in Iceland halted most air travel in Great Britain and Western Europe this weekend. What do you think?

  • "I bet Great Britain really regrets letting its navy go to shit now."

    Calvin Tucker Systems Analyst
  • "Well, I hope my stranded Scottish houseguests like season four of The Wire and Chinese food, because no damn volcano is going to get me to go to another museum."

    Cathey Weiss Tool Grinder
  • "I know there's nothing anyone can do, but try consoling my two little girls, who had been so looking forward to going to the Nordhäuser Jazzfrühling in Nordhausen, Germany."

    Herman Brownstein Cashier

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