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National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
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IDing Teens At The Movies

Attempting to shield teens from violent imagery, U.S. cinema owners agreed last week to require young people to show photo IDs when buying tickets for R-rated movies. What do you think?
  • "Man, when I hear adults talk about carding me for a stupid movie, it makes me want to get a bunch of guns and shoot everyone at my school."

    James Goltz Student
  • "What's wrong with a bit of the old ultra-violence? Sometimes a droog needs a good tolchock on the old gulliver, O my brothers."

    Richard Borgmann Bond Trader
  • "I'm just glad that when I see the South Park movie, the theater won't be filled with noisy juveniles annoying my husband and me."

    Dana Wynegar Florist
  • "Well, you have to admit that similar measures have put an end to underage drinking."

    Michelle Kusick Speech Pathologist
  • "Shit, man, this blows. I'm 43, but I don't have any ID."

    Fred Hisle Systems Analyst
  • "There's a statute of limitations on this, right? Because I got into Stripes in 1981 when I was 12."

    Isaac Brye Dishwasher

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