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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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IKEA Introduces Wireless Charging Furniture

Swedish furniture retail chain IKEA has announced it will begin selling furniture that charges cell phones wirelessly with charging pad stations that are integrated into desks, tables, lamps, and other furniture. What do you think?

  • “I don’t want to give my shelf that kind of power.”

    Dawn Horton Flower Arranger
  • “Finally, instead of struggling to find an outlet to plug my phone into I can struggle to find an outlet to plug my couch into.”

    Matt Santangelo Talent Scouter
  • “No thanks. I can always swing by an IKEA and charge my phone off some floor models.”

    Bob Brock Pamphlet Disposer

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