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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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IKEA Placing Cardboard Cutouts Of Dogs In Furniture Showrooms To Encourage Adoption

Select IKEA stores are strategically placing life-sized cardboard cutouts of dogs in furniture showrooms to help customers visualize what their homes would look like with a dog, part of a program aimed at encouraging pet adoption. What do you think?

  • “It’s brilliant—ideas like this could really change what couples argue about inside the store.”

    Meryl Kerr Candy Bowl Restocker
  • “Sure, it looks cute in the showroom, but when they deliver the dog it’s in 100 different pieces.”

    Alex Davison Keyboard Cleaner
  • “Can’t I go anywhere anymore without being subtly encouraged to do something altruistic?”

    Brandon Mehling Meeting Scheduler

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