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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.
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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Immigration Rallies Smaller

Labor Day immigration rallies drew fewer numbers than the marches held from earlier this year. What do you think?
  • "If it’s true that these illegal immigrants are too lazy to fight for their rights, then that just proves how American they truly are."

    Dave McTeague
    Laboratory Technician
  • "Just goes to show you, the rights of immigrants will always come in a distant second when going head-to-head with a nice plate of potato salad."

    Warren Haggerty
    Psychologist
  • "Well, there you have it. Sometimes these issues just find ways of working themselves out."

    Angela Ronis
    Caregiver