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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Impeach Clinton?

With Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's report now in the American people's hands, talk has turned to the prospect of impeaching the president. What do you think?
  • "Of course he should be removed from office. For Christ's sake, he had that thing in her mouth."

    Patrick Davis Travel Agent
  • "The president is faced with a great crisis, and he should do the right thing–marry Monica."

    Emily Tidrow Librarian
  • "Help me out here. What exactly did he do again? Because I'm really going to need a lot of extremely precise details if I'm to make an informed decision."

    Wayne Bonds Systems Analyst
  • "Why are we wasting time and money on this ridiculous issue when flag-burning is still legal in this country?"

    Samantha Kravec Flight Attendant
  • "Clinton couldn't have done anything worse if he had traded weapons to a hostile foreign power, secretly diverted taxpayer funds to Central American rebels or knowingly allowed a U.S. naval base to be attacked by Japan."

    Optometrist Nathan Capilla
  • "The adultery doesn't bother me. It's Clinton's love of frog figurines that weirds me out."

    Jason Durham Custodian

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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