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Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Independence Day Celebrated

This Fourth of July marks the 234th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of independence. What do you think?

  • "I love the Fourth! Cookouts, fireworks, prank calling the Queen, all of it."

    Susan Tankel
    Systems Analyst
  • "Well, then, that shall be the reason I get drunk that night!"

    Robert Guy
    Waste Salvager
  • "Wow, already? I can't believe that America only has six years left."

    Mitch Carbonella Jr.
    Naphthalene-Still Operator

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