Independence Day Celebrated

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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Independence Day Celebrated

This Fourth of July marks the 234th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of independence. What do you think?

  • "I love the Fourth! Cookouts, fireworks, prank calling the Queen, all of it."

    Susan Tankel
    Systems Analyst
  • "Well, then, that shall be the reason I get drunk that night!"

    Robert Guy
    Waste Salvager
  • "Wow, already? I can't believe that America only has six years left."

    Mitch Carbonella Jr.
    Naphthalene-Still Operator