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Inscription On MLK Memorial To Be Removed

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Inscription On MLK Memorial To Be Removed

The government will remove the paraphrased quotation “I was a drum major for justice, peace and righteousness” from Washington’s Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial after many complained the out-of-context words made the civil rights leader sound arrogant. What do you think?

  • “This would never have happened to a statue of a white guy.”

    Marybeth McMurry Rattan Worker
  • “If King didn’t want his words to be taken out of context, he never should have said them in the first place.”

    Ryan Charbonneau Waterproofer
  • “If nobody wants to take credit for the old quote, you can feel free to attribute it to me.”

    Clayton Wynands Crab Steamer

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