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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Insurance Costs Outstrip Wage Increases

The cost of health insurance premiums in the United States rose 9 percent this year, nearly three times the rate of increase seen in 2010. What do you think?

  • "No thanks. Life's not that cool."

    Rick Dunn Planisher
  • "I’m pretty sure the finger can be pointed directly at my neighbor, who gets colonoscopies like they’re going out of style."

    Julian Smith Work-Ticket Distributor
  • "Yesterday that would have worried me, but this morning I found a similar lump on the opposite breast, so I'm cool."

    Sarah Harrison Guide Winder
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