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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Internet Pedophilia Crackdown

A multinational police team plans to patrol Internet chatrooms as part of a crackdown on child pornography and pedophilia. What do you think?
  • "Police will be patrolling the Internet? They'll need to get the nation's top men on it— Readyman, Chillycheez, SatanicMechanic, and maybe even BeeBop77."

    Thomas Barnes Systems <br>Analyst
  • "It's about time. As a market researcher, I'm sick of perverts in chatrooms propositioning me whenever I pretend to be an 11-year-old girl."

    Sonya Treat Market Researcher
  • "This is great news. I find child pornography sickening, but I am aroused by images of Belgians being led away in handcuffs."

    Douglas Emery Laborer
  • "An international anti-child-porn force would dramatically increase the possibilty of authorities rappelling in through skylights, which is good."

    Daphne Sports Sales Representative
  • "Shouldn't we be fighting terrorism, and not doing anything about anything else?"

    Jason Diaz Painter
  • "That's going to be yet another weird government office to accidently wander into."

    Eric Rhodes Manager

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