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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Iowa Boobs-For-Grades Scandal

A University of Iowa professor is accused of fondling students in exchange for higher grades. What do you think?
  • "Hopefully, in light of this incident, the taboo subject of sexual harassment will finally be discussed widely on college campuses."

    Ruth Steinem Systems Analyst
  • "I knew my busty, suggestible daughter wasn't that smart."

    Sam Pollard Spot Welder
  • "A professor fondles a student! That's perfect! I've had the worst writer’s block for my upcoming porno!"

    Ray Pettibon Screenwriter

More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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