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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Iowa Boobs-For-Grades Scandal

A University of Iowa professor is accused of fondling students in exchange for higher grades. What do you think?
  • "Hopefully, in light of this incident, the taboo subject of sexual harassment will finally be discussed widely on college campuses."

    Ruth Steinem Systems Analyst
  • "I knew my busty, suggestible daughter wasn't that smart."

    Sam Pollard Spot Welder
  • "A professor fondles a student! That's perfect! I've had the worst writer’s block for my upcoming porno!"

    Ray Pettibon Screenwriter

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