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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Iowa Issuing Gun Permits To The Blind

Officials in Iowa have been granting gun permits to visually impaired and fully blind residents, allowing these individuals to purchase firearms and carry them in public. What do you think?

  • “Okay, but they should promise to shoot only at super-scary sounds.”

    Saul Mendillo School Bus Monitor
  • “Blind people are just as capable of tucking a gun in their waistband and lifting their shirt to expose the weapon meaningfully.”

    Jan Burmester Forest Ecologist
  • “It’s a tragedy that they’ll never know how cool they look holding a gun.”

    Sebastian Alvarez Vine Pruner
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