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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Iowa Straw Poll Saturday

The first major indicator of Republican presidential candidates’ viability, the Iowa Straw Poll, takes place this Saturday. What do you think?

  • "Hands down my favorite quadrennial GOP formality in the entire Midwest."

    Rose Lewis Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, but the state is only one-third of the way through its candidate pancake-breakfast cycle, so I wouldn't read too much into it."

    Mayer Brown Mortgage Clerk
  • "As a Santorum 2012 street team member, I can't tell you how excited I am that the merciful end is finally near."

    Stephen Hyde Base Filler
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