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Iowa Straw Poll Saturday

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
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Iowa Straw Poll Saturday

The first major indicator of Republican presidential candidates’ viability, the Iowa Straw Poll, takes place this Saturday. What do you think?

  • "Hands down my favorite quadrennial GOP formality in the entire Midwest."

    Rose Lewis Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, but the state is only one-third of the way through its candidate pancake-breakfast cycle, so I wouldn't read too much into it."

    Mayer Brown Mortgage Clerk
  • "As a Santorum 2012 street team member, I can't tell you how excited I am that the merciful end is finally near."

    Stephen Hyde Base Filler

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