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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.
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iPhone App Usage Drops Off

A study has shown that less than 5 percent of consumers still use their free iPhone applications a month after downloading them. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, I stopped using the 'Dial Phone Numbers and Talk' application like two days after getting it."

    Chris Feyen Sales Manager
  • "If I were interested in anything free, I wouldn't have an iPhone."

    Katy Heller Snowplow Operator
  • "I got that Obama iFan app, but about a week ago I got really bored with Obama being president."

    Duane LaRocco Forms Developer
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