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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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iPhone App Usage Drops Off

A study has shown that less than 5 percent of consumers still use their free iPhone applications a month after downloading them. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, I stopped using the 'Dial Phone Numbers and Talk' application like two days after getting it."

    Chris Feyen Sales Manager
  • "If I were interested in anything free, I wouldn't have an iPhone."

    Katy Heller Snowplow Operator
  • "I got that Obama iFan app, but about a week ago I got really bored with Obama being president."

    Duane LaRocco Forms Developer

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