adBlockCheck

Recent News

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
End Of Section
  • More News

iPod Hearing Damage Lawsuit

A class-action lawsuit has been filed against Apple, claiming that iPods have the potential to cause hearing damage. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if it causes hearing damage, but the ability to listen discreetly to White Lion has done major damage to my musical taste."

    Cait Farrell Teacher
  • "This is like when no one warned me my gas bill could skyrocket by turning up my thermostat all the way."

    Ryan Donnelson Camp Counselor
  • "Doesn't matter. The only thing I use my ears for is to listen to my iPod."

    Andrew J. Friedenthal Systems Analyst

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close