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iPod Hearing Damage Lawsuit

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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iPod Hearing Damage Lawsuit

A class-action lawsuit has been filed against Apple, claiming that iPods have the potential to cause hearing damage. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if it causes hearing damage, but the ability to listen discreetly to White Lion has done major damage to my musical taste."

    Cait Farrell Teacher
  • "This is like when no one warned me my gas bill could skyrocket by turning up my thermostat all the way."

    Ryan Donnelson Camp Counselor
  • "Doesn't matter. The only thing I use my ears for is to listen to my iPod."

    Andrew J. Friedenthal Systems Analyst

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