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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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iPod Hearing Damage Lawsuit

A class-action lawsuit has been filed against Apple, claiming that iPods have the potential to cause hearing damage. What do you think?
  • "I don't know if it causes hearing damage, but the ability to listen discreetly to White Lion has done major damage to my musical taste."

    Cait Farrell Teacher
  • "This is like when no one warned me my gas bill could skyrocket by turning up my thermostat all the way."

    Ryan Donnelson Camp Counselor
  • "Doesn't matter. The only thing I use my ears for is to listen to my iPod."

    Andrew J. Friedenthal Systems Analyst
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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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