Iran Claims It Launched Monkey Into Space

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Vol 49 Issue 05

Onion Sports' Live Coverage Of Super Bowl XLVII

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Iran Claims It Launched Monkey Into Space

Iranian officials announced yesterday they had launched a monkey into space and safely returned the animal to earth, asserting that the nation is now five to eight years away from putting a human in orbit. What do you think?

  • “I’m concerned that this is only a prelude to Iran launching monkeys at Israel.”

    Saundra Longo
    Moccasin Sewer
  • “Man, at this rate, it won’t be long before Iran builds a computer small enough to fit in a single room.”

    Dennis Brody
    Escalator Constructor
  • “Oh, dear! And what are our American monkeys doing? Probably just lying around eating bananas all day. And maybe wearing a little diaper—and they should put sunglasses on it, too. So cute!”

    Joseph Walcoff
    Crabber
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