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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Iran Debuts State-Run YouTube Substitute

With YouTube banned there since the disputed election of 2009, Iran recently launched its own video-sharing website called “Mehr” (the Farsi word for “affection”), which only shows government-approved video clips. What do you think?

  • “Anything will be better than the huge disappointment that is Iranian Pornhub.”

    Greg Gowdy Torch Cutter
  • “Wow, I can’t believe the domain ‘Mehr.ir’ was still available.”

    Gina Breedlove Muffler Installer
  • “You know, it would probably be a good thing if our government banned YouTube, too.”

    Kenny Hussman Racehorse Trainer

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