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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Iran Debuts State-Run YouTube Substitute

With YouTube banned there since the disputed election of 2009, Iran recently launched its own video-sharing website called “Mehr” (the Farsi word for “affection”), which only shows government-approved video clips. What do you think?

  • “Anything will be better than the huge disappointment that is Iranian Pornhub.”

    Greg Gowdy Torch Cutter
  • “Wow, I can’t believe the domain ‘Mehr.ir’ was still available.”

    Gina Breedlove Muffler Installer
  • “You know, it would probably be a good thing if our government banned YouTube, too.”

    Kenny Hussman Racehorse Trainer
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