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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Iran Frees American Hikers

Two American hikers who were captured and accused of spying when they strayed across the border into Iran have been freed after 26 months. What do you think?

  • "Wait a second, the only way Iran would've let the hikers go is if they turned them into double agents. Just to be safe, we'd better lock them up when they get back."

    Amy Halward Systems Analyst
  • "Those poor things. Just when they think their ordeal is over, they now have to find out how Lost ends."

    Randy Watton Feed-In Worker
  • "Years in detainment far from home, sham charges against them, how could a nation do something like this?"

    Andrew Gray Unemployed

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