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Iran Gave Up Nuke Program In 2003

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Iran Gave Up Nuke Program In 2003

A new assessment by American intelligence agencies stated that Iran halted their nuclear weapons program four years ago. What do you think?
  • "This is worse than I thought! They're only four years away from being 16 years away from an atomic bomb!"

    Jeff Hestetune Septic Tank Installer
  • "This marks significant progress. Instead of finding out later, we know right now how wrong we'll be to invade a Middle Eastern nation."

    Alex Burnstead Arborist
  • "Hold on. Then who exactly can I count on to blow up the world in a not-yet-determined amount of time?"

    Brianna Kupperman Process Server

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