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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Iran Suspends Nuclear Program

Possibly setting the stage for a more comprehensive deal, Secretary of State John Kerry helped broker an agreement with Iranian leaders to halt the enrichment of uranium to weapons-grade levels for the next six months in return for relief from economic sanctions. What do you think?

  • “If it’s anything like the time I halted my uranium enrichment, this is going to be a restless six months for Iran.”

    Alan Kiernan County Sheriff
  • “We only achieved this kind of progress because we stopped soft-pedaling and really started pussyfooting.”

    Tanya Battles Professional Cheerleader
  • “I’m disgusted that Iran would negotiate with a guy who killed his own soldiers on that swift boat.”

    Dwayne Chiu Systems Analyst

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