adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Iran Urges Population To Have More Babies

Fearing that an aging population could strain social services, Iranian leaders have reversed the nation’s pro-family-planning policies and are now urging citizens to have more children. What do you think?

  • “Government has no right to pressure individuals to have children. That’s strictly the role of the individuals’ parents, extended family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.”

    Marvin Weddle Noodle Maker
  • “Just flat-out asking them is not going to work. You have to cause a national power grid failure to dim the lights, and then maybe put on a little Behzad Ranjbaran by launching a fleet of loudspeaker-equipped vans.”

    Penny Lawrence Marble Setter
  • “All right! Let the fucking under strict Islamic guidelines begin.”

    John Tarbuck Wildlife Agent

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close