adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Iran Urges Population To Have More Babies

Fearing that an aging population could strain social services, Iranian leaders have reversed the nation’s pro-family-planning policies and are now urging citizens to have more children. What do you think?

  • “Government has no right to pressure individuals to have children. That’s strictly the role of the individuals’ parents, extended family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers.”

    Marvin Weddle Noodle Maker
  • “Just flat-out asking them is not going to work. You have to cause a national power grid failure to dim the lights, and then maybe put on a little Behzad Ranjbaran by launching a fleet of loudspeaker-equipped vans.”

    Penny Lawrence Marble Setter
  • “All right! Let the fucking under strict Islamic guidelines begin.”

    John Tarbuck Wildlife Agent

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close