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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Iraq And The Nuclear Option

Last week, President Bush said he would not rule out using nuclear weapons against enemies wielding weapons of mass destruction. What do you think?
  • "Well, that seems like a pretty sensible policy that won't have any negative longterm repercussions among nuclear-capable nations already wary of the U.S."

    Dana Klugh Homemaker
  • "It's about time we had a president who's not afraid to step up to the plate and make the biggest mistake in the history of world civilization."

    Don Swartz Systems <br>Analyst
  • "He's bluffing. Bush could never bring himself to deliberately nuke that many oil fields."

    Cris Porter Roofer
  • "That reminds me. I've got some leftover falafel I'm gonna go nuke for lunch. This is called 'displacement behavior.' It is not working."

    Carl Roberts Engineer
  • "It's like the late '80s all over again: A Bush threatening war, nuclear paranoia, me involved in a protracted legal battle over an alleged sex crime..."

    Larry Golub Gardener
  • "You know the scariest thing about this whole situation? Me, neither. It's impossible to decide."

    Denise Traylor Graduate <br>Student

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